Originals vs Remakes … movies, cartoons, TV shows part 3

Now I have realized that I should have done these blogs by genre and not random like this. But it is what it is, just skip the movies you don’t care about. I’m gonna mix it up a little western, science fiction, horror …

The Magnificent Seven I know it is a remake, but it is a very good one, turning Japanese samurai story (七人の侍 Shichinin no Samurai originally written and directed by Akira Kurosawa) into western was really a good idea. Since I’m a bit lazy with subtitles, although I love Japanese language, I have seen Seven Samurai only once, but have seen it’s remake The Magnificent Seven at least 10 times. I totally approve of this version. And it doesn’t feel, to me, that Sturges has taken someone else’s work, as it does in many remakes. It feels to me like he took a good idea and made it more welcoming to viewers who speak/know English. Also with this western twist it looks very well with in the western movie genre. He hit a bulls eye. And I love it! As I have mentioned before I grew up watching westerns every summer (since I was 7 years old, reruns on TV, while school was out,). So I get emotional about it all. But Hollywood sometimes has nice surprises when they remake movies that do not originate from English speaking countries (Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Let Me In remake of Let The Right One In are not one of those).

The magnificent cast (see what I did there ;)): Yul Brynner, Eli Wallach, Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, Robert Vaughn, Horst Buchholz and James Coburn, dream team! If you grew up watching westerns and WWII movies you’d be in love with this cast ❤ The guy from West World, and guy from Death wish, Once Upon a Time in the West, The Dirty Dozen then joined with another two in The Great Escape, they just keep acting together and I just keep enjoying … that what my childhood was like. Me my old black and white TV and these guys 😀 who needs the real world? What’s real anyway? If you have not seen these movies that let me tell you my reader: You know nothing 😛

So it was my father’s birthday yesterday and I took him to see new The Magnificent Seven (2016). We have talked about Benh-Hur last weekend and he had the same reaction as me: “Not even going to watch that shit!” Genetics are wonderful thing some time. And then asked if he heard about The Magnificent Seven remake, he said no, but wanted to hear the cast, all well known to me but what seal the deal with my dad was Denzel Washington. And you know the rest 😉

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

Well you decided to read anyway, ha?

The Magnificent Seven 2016 rocked, kicked ass … at has logged itself in my heart right next to the old one. Mr Antoine Fuqua and Mr Nic Pizzolatto with Mr Richard Wenk have done Kurosawa and Sturges a righteous remake. Hat’s of guys. Casting was impeccable just like in the 1960. movie. Vincent D’Onofrio and Chris Pratt died almost as good as Sean Bean as Boromir (btw one of my favorite death scenes by Mr Sean Bean, and we all know he dies a lot ;)). Two war time rivals now buddies Denzel Washington as Chisolm and Ethan Hawke as Goodnight Robicheaux were great, as was Byung-hun Lee as Robicheauxs’ side kick Billy Rocks. (I have seen lots of movies, mostly Korean< with him and he always surprises me, just love to watch him act). I was also very pleasantly surprised with Martin Sensmeier and Manuel Garcia-Rulfo because I didn’t know them as well as others. And also I was very worried about their survival rate, you know how it goes … don’t want to get political, again. And honorable mention to Mr Matt Bomer and Haley Bennett could hold her own among the guys and make a little room for herself, very nice job. Could have been a little less revealing, but that was the choice Fuqua made. And I for me it’s the only thing he did wrong. Widowed god-fearing woman seeking revenge for husband she loved very much, looking to hire gunslingers, little bit scared from time to time, of rough men does not dress that way. But all in all a great movie. And if you wanna remake shit this is how it’s done.

I have covered the good one and now let’s talk about a bad one.

Still don’t know why people try to mess with god things and great movies. I know that you “young’ directors want to prove yourselves but try doing it with something new and do not try to make your name a cross someone else’s back. I know and love John Carpenter movies, and obviously other do too, but we don’t like those remakes (yes, I also mean Carpenters remake of Village of the Damned, sorry John but not your best work, but I was bound to happen). Again why mess with the works of genius like Carpenter.

Today I’m gonna be writing against The Thing from 2011. We all can read and see the name of the defiler of The Thing (1982) Matthijs van Heijningen hiding under prequel movie, like I care that it’s under the guise of “prequel”. The question is why? WHY? Did you think you could contribute to the genre? Did you think that your cast can ever be better than Carpenters cast?

Like you could beat this: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, T. K. Carter, David Clennon, Keith David, Richard Dysart, Charles Hallahan, and so on. Did you think that shaggy dog like Eric Christian Olsen should be in this movie, will be an asset for this movie. EEEE WRONG! (why directors keep employing this guy is beyond me). Or maybe you thought that your score could be better than Ennio Morricone? It’s not about new special effect, it’s not about we can make it better. It is just that you don’t have an idea and want to exploit someone else’s work. You’ll never come close to Carpenter. Just should have found another project to make your bones.

And German poster just because it’s funny

A little trivia courtesy of IMDb: “This movie has become part of the culture in Antarctica. It is a long standing tradition in all British Antarctic research stations to watch The Thing (1982) as part of their Midwinter feast and celebration held every June 21.” And let me tell you, you just don’t mess with that 😉

Originals vs Remakes … movies, cartoons, TV shows part 2

Well spent my weekend watching movies and having fun with other things … so now I tell you about some more remakes, this stuff really not that scary as the first one 😉

 

There have been Tarzan movies since the beginning of movie making. Countless screenwriter, directors, actors, casting agents have been involved with this Tarzan business. I have watched most of them, even the cartoon ones. I love Tarzan, I love Edgar Rice Burroughs just for writing those books that made my childhood better (maybe a post about books that influenced me, or just made my life better is in near future ;), not to digress further from my remakes post). I could have guessed it I love Johnny Weissmuller, grew up watching him as Tarzan in musty old community theater in my block. There was no need for parental guidance or escort I was 7-8 years old. Got my money in my hand, went down the road and in the dark, musty underground room the magic started from silver screen. Then After I got home my trusty books on the side of my bed, and my little reading lamp … always living in another world. So Johnny is my favourite Tarzan, I have watched a lot of different Tarzans, and the one that sucks the most is Disney’s Tarzan from 1999. The drawing of Tarzan is so bad, I just couldn’t get into it … I was so offended by this rendering of one of my favorite childhood characters almost give up on watching Disney all together.

But Johnny is the one, that Tarzan call that he made (see the link, if you don’t know it) has been part of pop culture ever since!

Well let’s get back to 2016. and skip a lot of different Tarzans, here we are (like in Doctors blue box) so Alexander Skarsgård as Tarzan, well I had an idea of him running half naked in those little leather scraps covering him just a bit … And let me tell you I loved that idea, he is so good looking and well build ❤ (not like the rest of clan Skarsgård). So wasn’t quite expecting this 21^st century Tarzan rendering to be so prudish, ape man running in this pants. (won’t even go there, and I won’t even mention different political issues that I thought were not going to happen but …). So it’s like this if you read the books then watch Johnny and enjoy the childish naiveté of those movies and life before we started watching everything trough ideological glasses (btw thank you my education for not ever being able to enjoy movies/TV shows naively again). And you can watch Alexander Skarsgård and always, ALWAYS great Samuel L. Jackson in his one also, but just don’t think about it to much. And another recommendation if you have not followed Samuel L. Jacksons’ career so far get back home download shit load of his movies and start you mofo, you don’t know what you have been missing.

 

OK so emotions running wild here 😉

 

Ghostbusters 2016 first if you gonna put spin on it than do it right, ok you have the girls now that is wayyyy cool but why not do a little more? (no, seriously I love that it’s all girl crew) So why is Leslie Jones a 100 000 000 times over seen African American stereotype? Why is Kristen Wiig the scholarly tipe? That kinnda ruined it for me from the get go. C’mon break some norms have fun with it all it’s a comedy/ghost movies break some balls, crush some stereotypes. I’m gonna keep it light for now, without political ranting … But soundtrack is cool 😉

Cast is problematic for me namely Wiig and McCarthy, as with the original Murray and Aykroyd, so no winners here. But Leslie Jones (remake) is, for me as cool as Ernie Hudson, again writer could have done more for both these actor and their roles. Also salute keeping the theme song it is epic for all the kid who grew up in the 80s, and again it became one of pop culture references. Hudson and Murray cameos were cool, they are always cool, keep us older people happy 😉 So if you are up for some fun just see both movies, it’s cool. This one get plus from me because all girl crew, if you are not familiar with women’s roles in the movies throughout history read up it is very interesting subject, but be warned life and movies will never be the same. And switch your political brain off and have some fun, don’t think about it 2 much.

 

And now a little bit of western: True Grit original from 1969. with legend John Wayne (while we wait for me to see Magnificent Seven remake in cinema, still in shock they would do that) and remake 2010. as good as the original. Casting is great takes a great guy to step into Wayne shoes and Jeff Bridges does it so well, I was impressed. Josh Brolin has come a long way from Goonies and this is just one more feather in his cap.

When you grow up watching movies in my neck of the woods it’s all reruns of westerns all summer long, I am very emotional about my westerns. Coen brother did a very good job. If you don’t like Wayne and you are a western fan, as lots of people don’t just see the 2010. and you’ll be fine. It was my pleasure, and I’m sorry now that I didn’t watch it in movie theatre. So that’s why I will be watching my favorites western The Magnificent Seven (1960) remake on the big screen. And you’ll be hearing all about it :D.

 

Django from 1966. is only real Django, Franco Nero is Django. Sorry Jamie Foxx you are really good guy and you did a great job in Django Unchained (2012) but it’s just a guy with great vengeance plan and the same name. Enjoyed both but Nero is Django, and that’s that! If you haven’t seen real Django please do. Some of the western remakes done in the new century just lost the old appeal. Too much of effects and not as much soul is my opinion. Low budget is something that was just ok when you made westerns in the 60s. Or maybe I’m just to old now, yeah that’s it. I’m to old and use to things the way I remember them. Well you be the judge of that 😉

Originals vs Remakes … movies, cartoons, TV shows part 1

I’m not gonna rant much 😉  … Just wanna get my 2cents in …

 

So I really don’t like remakes, even though sometimes they turn just fine. They can never be like an original for me at least. Feeling when you see a movie plot or concept for the first time is priceless for me, also certain casting combinations are to precious to meddle with, and there is always that feeling you that takes you back to that first time in front of TV or at the movies as a kid … and you kinda now life will never be the same. It’s that feeling I hope you get me.

 

Let’s start with Fly (1986) was a fine movie still is, cool special effects cool casting, ‘t was all fine. But c’mon that tinny little guys head on body of a fly from 1958. movie was EPIC … and I adore Vincent Price, so that’s that for me 😀 Those kind of early horror movies was what drew me to this genre in this form (on writer that drew me in another time). Needles to say I have watched everything Vincent Price was in, he truly is a horror icon. There will never be a man/actor in the genre ever again. The voice, the facial expressions … A MASTER of his trade. I salute you Mr. Price. You will forever be in my heart. I also love Lugosi and Karloff but this thing with Price is …. Price for you people who have watched him or listened to his audio books work I think you know what I mean.

 

Well let’s stay with in the decade Ben-Hur (1959), yes I know there was another before this one, the first one done in 1925. It was silent. So technically the ’59 version was a remake, I have not watched ’25 version. But I want to stay true, remake of Ben-Hur from 1959. I legendary, I have watched it as a kid all the time. One more thing I hate Charlton Heston, he is just not my cup of tea, let’s just put it like that. So one day I wake up, turn on my TV and lo and behold the trailer for new Ben-Hur movie WTHF?!??!!? Are you studios insane? You want to turn legendary remake into another fast sell trash … you people have no respect. There will never be better Ben-Hur movie than the one done in 1959, and there will never be another Ben-Hur like Charlton Heston. I hate Charlton Heston, but Charlton Heston is BEN-HUR. And although I don’t like remakes this one was and is best I’ve seen so far. I’m not even watching this new shit.

 

Now let me get started on new Stephen Kings’ It … are you people insane? You think you can top 1990. It, TV mini-series? Well somebody surely flew over the cuckoo’s nest because let me be a bit repetitive: I hate Tim Curry but Tim Curry is Pennywise. Rest of the cast was brilliant kids as well as adults, wonderful choices. I salute you Victoria Burrows (although you fucked up big time on King Kong with Naomi Watts) and Mark Tillman! Wonderful work. So somebody thought it needed a remake, bull-fucking-shit. Kings has so much work that has not been made into TV series or movies I don’t know why they felt the need to ruin this one? Bill Skarsgård are you shitting me?!?!?!? Yes he is annoying and lame but Pennywise (at best he could be Henry Bowers but he is 2 old)?  Come-the-fuck-on it is an insult to true Stephen King fans, and an insult to first mini-series. Just PLS next time leave it the fuck alone, choose another work to televise or turn into movie, there is lots to choose from. I will watch this one because I watch everything Stephen King related (as I read everything he writes), and I try to watch everything horror related. So there, maybe in the future, some more angry rants and reviews.

 

OK moving on …

 

The Fog (1980) directed by John Carpenter, who also co-wrote the screenplay and created the music for the film. It stars Adrienne Barbeau, Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Atkins, Janet Leigh and Hal Holbrook. (tnx Wikipedia). Need I say more, and if you truly are an horror aficionado or just a fan of genre, you know what I mean. You can watch 2005 remake, but why? Maybe you are teen fan of Tom Welling, ex Smallville star, or crazy ex-Yugoslav fan of Rade Šerbedžija. It is OK no bad feelings, new Fog for new kids … I rather watch the old one any time. I’m old school like that. I’m into the great horror eras like 50s and 80s, so I tend to be a bit hard on new stuff. But to each it’s own. This for me is classic and John Carpenter is the Master.

 

Judge Dredd I did not read the comic, so I will just focus on my point of view regarding the movies. Judge Dredd (1995) starring Sylvester Stallone, Diane Lane, Joan Chen , Armand Assante, Jürgen Prochnow and Max von Sydow, again need I say more. But I will anyway 😉 I love Stallone ever since I saw Rocky for the first time, so that’s that. I fell in love with Dianne Lane in Streets of Fire, loved her since and watched anything she’s been in, except Batman vs Superman, because Ben-fucking-lame-ass-Affleck can not be Batman! Sorry Diane, but I just can not do it. It would literally melt my eyes. I love to watch all the guys cast in Judge Dredd, and I love them all together. Won’t tell you the plot because of spoilers and also use google you lazy SOBs 😉 Dredd (2012) has different plot, so you can call it a second chapter or what ever but it’s not, in my book a classic remake. Same character but different story. I also love Karl Urban and Lena Headey so … give it a try. Still prefer Judge Dredd.

 

Well enough for now, I’ll be back with another Originals vs Remakes soon. Stay tuned.

Blade runner and me

It is not easy for me to write about Blade runner, it has been part of my life since I was 5. My old video cassette was almost in shreds from all the rewinding and watching I did …

The plot, the cast (except Harrison Ford), the score, aesthetics of it all has always fascinated me, always since 1982. Watching it on video, watching it on TV, in cinema. When I watched in cinema for the first time (few years ago) I was again smitten by it, even though it was Directors Cut, and not my favorite Theatrical Release from 1982. It was a chance to see it first time on big screen and I wasn’t going to miss it. I revisit the blade runner world as often as I can, it never gets old for me. I eve wrote paper on it at the university. No scene to small no detail to little. I can always discover more.

I studied all through high school with Vangelis composed soundtrack in the background. I have always thought about it as Rutger Hauer movie … Harrison Ford was an necessity. I have watched almost all movies that Ford did since the first Star Wars episode IV a New Hope, then all through Indiana Jones serial and all. But I never liked the guy and I never will. He just happened to be in all the movies I love. No enough said about Ford. Just needed to get this off my chest.

Anyway for most of the cast it was love at first sight: Rutger Hauer, Joanna Cassidy, Sean Young and Edward James Olmos, I have watched everything they made since no matter how low budget and stupid. If that’s not love, don’t know what is? ❤

I also learned to appreciate: Daryl Hannah, William Sanderson, Brion James and James Hong.

And lets’ not forget the man himself Ridley Scott I loved most of his work, and another trivia my style in 1983. (just year after Blade runner saw the light of movie projector on the big screen) Ridleys’ brother Tony made The Hunger, my second favorite movie. So you know that I am an science fiction freak and undying fan of horror so the 80’s were and still are my favorite decade in time, and favorite decade that I have lived in.

Now let me tell you dealing with your humanity at such an early age was not fun. Realizing that I’m sadly am part of so called human species turned me in to one depressed little girl. And it only got worst with age. I became high strung and still am. But I also learned to appreciate machines and to hope that once we “real” humans start making artificial ones it won’t be to use them as slaves. We, firstly, have to end slavery of other humans before we start making new ones. And this also applies for children … stop making new humans if you can’t teach them to be kind and considerate and non-violent. JUST STOP!

So I was 8 when I read Dead Mountaineer’s Hotel (Russian: Отель “У Погибшего Альпиниста”) written by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky, and that book with Blade runner made me what I am today humanity hating SF loving asshole. And life was never the same 😀

I so wanted to be Roy Batty. I wanted to be the person to forgive in my final moments all those who trespassed against me, but I’m not and I won’t. Life is to short to be letting people off easy.

 

I would so love to know my end date so I could celebrate with cheese, cigarettes and good stake. And then just die, but since I am a part of this so called human race (whatever that means), I do not and I’m ever misanthropic mad sad depressed pill poppin’ asshole.

There will never be another film that will move me in such ways, ohhh yes there will be others but not like this one … my first movie love.

As I have mentioned is my previous post I have read and own:

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick

Blade Runner (BFI Film Classics) by Scott Bukatman

Philosophy and Blade Runner by T. Shanahan

Blade Runner Sketchbook by David Scroggy

The Blade Runner Experience: The Legacy of a Science Fiction Classic First Edition by Will Brooker

All Those Moments: Stories of Heroes, Villains, Replicants, and Blade Runners by Rutger Hauer and Patrick Quinlan

I’m not sure that I have managed to convey my feelings in this post, but If you follow me you’ll see me referencing this movie time and time again.

More of my personal trivia … some of my favorite quotes:

Batty: Quite an experience to live in fear, isn’t it? That’s what it is to be a slave.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain… Time to die.

 

Gaff: It’s too bad she won’t live! But then again, who does?

Hannibal Chew: Don’t know, I don’t know such stuff. I just do eyes, ju-, ju-, just eyes… just genetic design, just eyes. You Nexus, huh? I design your eyes.

 

Rachael: Is this testing whether I’m a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard?

 

hate the oppressor

So here I am again, I guess it must be fate … (say yay if you like my pop culture references)

I started yoga yesterday, yeah, yeah I know … but I promise I won’t become one of those new age assholes. I’ll just stay regular asshole. But even this one class has taught me a lot. My muscles are not all useless after my last relapse, they still work. My flexibility is just fine for a big mofo bitch I am.

My ability to follow instructions is almost non-existent, but I can cool down. It has been slow day, so stress no hustle, so I will see if it works when I’m angry or so far off the wall with rage and stress levels go way high … I move like a fucking robot, my moves have no flow. They are like a rusty Tin man – need Dorothy to oil me up 😉

Also can’t fucking count, I lost track … taking about me being stupid, I find out every day what else has MS robbed me off. So most damage so far has been my cognitive abilities.

I don’t want to live in fear but if this shit continues … I think I’m gonna be afraid, very afraid. And I don’t want to live in fear.

You know how it is: “Quite an experience to live in fear, isn’t it? That’s what it is to be a slave.”

OMG I just had to Google fucking Roy Battys name, that’s how much my memory is fucked up. Blade Runner is my favorite movie. I know most of the line by heart, I know all the names of characters and actors/actresses, I know the score, I own several book on the movie, and have read numerous books, articles even Rutger Hauer autobiography, even have Blade Runner sketch book. I have watched like 50 since it came out (I was 5 at the time, I loved the music and colors so my aunt said).

 

I FUCKING HATE YOU MS! HATE YOU!

 

Quite an experience to be robbed of this memories, they are a part of me as this arms are. It’s like I don’t know how to explain it to you, I feel like somebody robbed me of all I hold dear (not just money ;)) …. Fucking MS. Fucking broken brain. Useless little grey cells. But I’m not gonna be slave to you. You can just kill me right fucking now cause I’m not falling on my knees for you!

 

This fucking Ms is to a brain as Israel is to Palestine, keeps you down and nobody knows it, you can’t move freely, can’t speak freely, can attend school, go to work without being checked out and stopped and intervened in some other way. It occupies you healthy cells as Israel takes land! I think I couldn’t find better analogy in world politics than this.

If you wanna know how an MSer feels read about Palestinian life.

 

Rise up little grey cells, rise up and overthrow the oppressor. I’m gonna hate this sickness till it is beaten down, and crawls without it’s teeth and can’t hurt me anymore than it already did.

Cancer, zombies and MS

Hi there.

It’s me again local neighborhood hater, mad bitch and all around asshole. To day I’ll be pointing out some good things about MS and living with MS. I know you don’t believe me but just read now and have fun finding out new facts about MS.

 

I you already know about having fun watching my favorite TV show all over again and it is not as Sade sings ”as good as the first time” it is better. I already know I like these shows and have a good feeling about them, not like watching something new and not being sure if you are wasting your time on bad plots, cancellations after first season got you all hot and bothered, terrible casting decisions….

 

On another point when I got diagnosed I read a lot about MS and, amongst other things, found this riveting research about MS patients and cancer. To cut the story short only like 1% of MS people get cancer. A-HA so we are like protected by our autoimmune disease. MS is like protective over her territory heheheheheh so fhtagn you cancer, as great old ones would say. This territory is taken!

If that’s not good news, I don’t know what is. But if Cthulhu wakes he will swallow your soul J, my soul and all the souls … but then again it might be better than living with MS. (btw if you watch video in the link just want you to know I love this guy making this Cthulhu videos, love him <3)

 

Another thing that I found out quite by accident, it’s like I knew all along that my love of horror and SF will one day prove to be valuable. So have watched countless TV shows and movies, read numerous books and comic books about zombies. So you can say I have researched this topic: here it is zombies don’t eat MS brains.

In case of zombie apocalypse we MSers are safe… so it’s not the meek who shall inherit the earth it’s the MSers 😉  … sorry  brainless people you as well.

How cool is that!

I was so happy when I realized this, and even more happier that I didn’t forget all the things I knew. One day (when pigs fly, maybe not that far off with all the genetic experimentation …) I may eve write a full-fledged paper on this subject, cause the doctor covered everything else about MS.

 

So keep calm and MS on 😀

 

*You may laugh now as you read these lines, but we’ll see who’ll have the last laugh 😛

More on memory, MS and bad f*cking people

Sometimes I wish I had a tattoo: “I have MS” ‘cause my memory problems I sometimes sound like an idjit 😉 😉. Can’t remember words, make long pauses trying to remember, sometimes I say totally different word (from what I meant) and sentence has no meaning, forget what was the point I was making …and I feel sad and lost. Sometimes I want to explain that it is not me, that I know these things. But it’s the old me she knew these things …

 I have to write everything down immediately, I go around with my iPhone notes always at hand and my little moleskin in my backpack. I loved Dory from Finding Nemo never thought I would be Dory.

Good thing I like tattoos so I can have my address tattooed one day on my forearm, just in case ;). No it really isn’t all that funny. As I said never was the sharpest tool in the shed, not by a long shot, but still knew a lot about things that interested me. Ohh I’m still interested in same things but know I just don’t know that much about it anymore.

 

But I can never forget things like passing around dead dolphin and taking selfies or 5 boys rape puppy with the stick … things like that always stay in my mind. So all of you who want to think positive think about this and try to stay positive. Try to explain this in a positive way with a positive attitude. I rather be negative, grumpy and keep away from people because there is nothing worst on this planet then people. I’m sorry I’m human every fucking day, I’d rather be a fly and live on shit and very fucking short just not to be human. But I digress.

I’m so angry right now after reading about this dog being raped that feel like kicking every child I see as long as I live and smack all people who have fucking children … if your child can hurt an animal then think deeply about your abilities to be a parent just fucking kill yourself right now. End your fucking genetic line … ’cause you fucking parents always find excuses for their killer/rapist children. Parents in jail, children to mental institution and if they ever get out I would tattoo their foreheads so that everyone knows …

 

So really why be positive? In this day and age when all kind of behavior can be explained and forgiven. This has cut me so deeply, I’m unable to function … I can just try and vent this feeling here on this blog.

 

I wish I could forget this kind of things … My life would be so much easier and my therapist would be a lot less rich. I’m and asshole and I’m not sorry … there are not enough hurtful words in all the languages on this planet for me to say to these people … to all people!

 

So I’ll always be a hater! ALWAYS!

A few “good” things about having MS

So you know I’m a negative puppy but one “good” thing about MS is that I went to therapy for the first time.

And after a few years in therapy decided to finish school … it went ok for a while than right about when I was finishing my last several MA exams I had a relapse. I was a first time that I had cognitive issues since I got diagnosed. Also my left side went to hell, and it was my stronger side …

 

I was not the brightest bulb in the chandelier even before MS but it became ridiculous. My whole memory got like strangely wiped, like most of the things I have learned in past couple of years. Things like books I loved their authors, books for school, papers I studied, papers I wrote … and so on. I got a bit depressed and just stopped there. Just couldn’t bring myself to read this things again. (this was all in 2012) My friends started calling me Dory.

 

So a few months ago I tried to give it another go. Set found the books and scripts again stared to work on my exams … and guess who? (woody the wood packer? Not) … I’ll let you in on a secret shhh it was MS relapse and it wiped my good … good thing I wasn’t thinking positively or I would have been in a hole so deep the great old ones would be saying hi from above ;). Good thing I was only relatively positive, against my better judgement, and didn’t fall so deep. But I ‘m still depressed.

 

I got wiped again, my memory is even worst now (like can’t remember my street name sometime…), my left side gone to shit again (been working it for 4 years and just got it back like 4-5 months ago), my inner GPS which was perfect got busted to nothing (can’t navigate my way out of my panties) … and on and on. These are3 just the worst.

 

I’m determined to stick it out and finish my studies. My MA thesis is going to be bull-fucking-crap but it is what it is. I was only doing it for fun. Wanted to be SF fan with an SF MA thesis. Wanted to use my excessive SF knowledge and not let it waste away in my head … well the joke was on me now it is really wasted because I have forgotten more things than average SF fan will ever get to know. I’m talking books, TV shows, movies different trivia … I was queen of trivia and unimportant information about all of those things.

“All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.”

Unfortunately for me it is not time to die I must live on being this person which is no longer me. But one day this person will have MA in a field she knows thing about (probably won’t be the first one ;)).

 

So second “good” thing about my MS memory wipe is that I can watch X-files (current reruns on TV) as if I never seen it before (well most of it anyway).

keep the grump on ;)

So I’ve been having these headaches in the morning.

Every time I come to work it’s on like someone turned the switch. I think I’m allergic to my workplace and especially people who work there.

Don’t get me wrong I do my job well I just don’t like it, it’s full of bureaucratic shit and stupid fill this form, and get this form … la lalala lala la and the trees and humans who care are crying at the waste of paper. I you have an idea it need to pass like 4 different level till it get heard and maybe approved … and then get into next years financial plan … and you can even remember being excited about it when it gets the time to do it.

Let’s just say that sometimes it is good that I have MS because I forget my ideas if I don’t write them down immediately … so no harm no foul. I forget that I had an idea and just truck on.

As I already said in some of my previous blogs I was always an asshole but now that I have MS I’m asshole queen of the universe … so there are two main reasons why I became more of an asshole after I got MS:

• No need to say it but I will – BECAUSE I HAVE MS 😉
• Because I’m to chicken shit to change this job

 

So I sit here day in day out and grump on. I accepted this job because good health benefits, which I need because I have MS (or did you know that already :D). It’s very low paying job but it’s an office job with (as I thought) no stress. You come on in and work and get the fuck out after your 8 hours have passed. The problem is you work with other people and that gets old rally fast. ‘Cause people are people.

 

I’m pretty nervous and high strung as it is, bad at controlling my temper and anger … so I get annoyed pretty much all the time. And most of all I hate when people don’t do their jobs and that then affect my doing my job because I’m part of the system (fight the system) …. And so on and on. You get the picture.

 

Never mind all that I thought it’ll be less stress coming to work here for very small pay check. I can be sick and relapse and be in hospital without worrying if I’ll have a job when I’m out. But still I get stressed out because I’m responsible, which is a curse in my case.

 

I’m to chicken shit yellow belly coward to change that stupid job because I think I can only be worse somewhere else. ‘Cause people are people and at least when I go home after 8 hours (no overtime, no delay) nobody can call me and ask anything till I’m at the office again.

 

I most of all hate HATE people getting benefits for kissing ass!

 

People mostly leave me be because I’m a grump and hate slackers and tell them to their faces, I can’t hold it back. If they annoy me they get what’s coming to them.

 

I know that I should be Zen to stay alive, believe I’m trying. I need some anger management bad 😉

Keep on hating … ’cause why not

Highlight of living with MS is: just ‘cos you feel it doesn’t mean it’s there!

Thank you Radiohead … I love this song (There There), even more now that I have MS. This sentence explains like half of my daily inconveniences.

What I hate (you knew it was coming your way like winter in GoTJ) is are phantom itches like a flee convention on my body. It feels like hundreds of flees are biting me all over and there is nothing there when I check it out. Is this what madness feels like?

 

Let me just get back on the cheese question … can you believe there is a cheese festival in my city in October. I completely forgot about that. All that cheese just waiting to be eaten by me. It’s like if you had free barrel of coke and said to the coke head I have it in next room and try to resist … C’mon  … but resist I must.

Do or do not, there is no try!

 

And I also want to smoke like crazy bitch from hell! I hate you MS.

I’m gonna wait till my last day of no dairy experiment (off dairy for 5yrs to see if I stop relapsing) and if it fails first thing when I wake up (well actually first thing is to go for a piss) so second thing after I wake up:

 

smoking kills but not fast enough

 

Light up a big motherfucking cigarette. I’m talking Davidoff magnum here.

 

 

 

 

 

Eat me some good cheese: cow, goat and sheep all together now (wave the arms).

food for thought

 

Eat me some prosciutto, Italian salami with truffles and homemade meatballs.

 

Drink me some Stella Artois.

 

So I have a 5 year plan. I feel like a successful young white well educated man on a god job. But I’m not 😛

 

Just one mad, sad, depressed, pillpoppin’, asshole and crazy hater bitch from hell. Welcome to the blog have fun … feel free to comment if you like it, if you don’t just leave.

 

I use this blog as free therapy where I vent my spleen and don’t have to pay ;). I also go to therapy but I can’t do it everyday…